Saturday, January 10, 2015

Back at it... for real!

Well, it has been WAY too long since I posted anything on this blog. I could use all my ready excuses: I have a baby, I work full time, and I have people I like to see when there is any free time, but honestly, I've just been lazy and embarrassed about my lack of progress so I haven't bothered to update this. I set up a lot of goals about a year ago and I didn't accomplish a single one of them. Not one.

This year has been really hard for me mentally. Not only have I been exhausted most of the time from taking care of a baby but any time I see another new mom who looks like she just walked out of a magazine cover I want to scream and cry. My body looks nothing like it did before I had my son and I constantly have to keep reminding myself that every woman is different and recovers differently. Also, I wasn't able to breastfeed which I realized I was kind of counting on to help lose the weight so I had a lot of grief surrounding that failure for so many different reasons. Every blog I read about losing weight after giving birth started with the same advice: breastfeed, and not being able to was the most devastating experience this past year. Luckily, I have had an amazing friend there to keep reminding me that I did not fail and that I did the best I could. She has been the best support to help me deal with that situation.

Before I got pregnant my body looked the best it had ever looked and I felt the best I had ever felt. My confidence was through the roof and I was so proud of the hard work I had put in to get in shape and be healthy. The last year has been the opposite of that. I am embarrassed about my weight, angry that I have been so lazy, and honestly, I have treated myself like crap over this stuff. It also hasn't helped that just a month ago I had co-worker ask if I was pregnant again. Yea, it's been a rough year.

I share all this because I am sick of reading blogs that are all "look at my great body after having my child 10 days ago", "look at me win a marathon with my newborn strapped to my back", and "breastfeed, eat only the rinds of fruits, and you'll look better than you did before you gave birth". Pardon my language, but that's bullshit. You want some reality? This is it.

Alright, pity party over. Here's a list of things I did accomplish: I completed the Peachtree Road Race (although I wasn't in shape to run it), I joined a gym (which until recently, I had barely used), and I have lost about 7 pounds since my last post a year ago. I see these accomplishments written here and all I can think is "I wasted an entire year" and "ultimately I failed because I didn't accomplish my original goals" and that does not feel good at all.

BUT, you know what I did today?? I ran 5k (mostly consecutively)!!!

That's right folks, I'm back at it! About a week before Christmas my husband and I started getting serious about eating better and living a healthier lifestyle. We began by focusing on our diet and I have started going to the gym more frequently. I've been doing well and have been running on the treadmill, using the elliptical, and lifting weights. I haven't run outside in a while but today was so nice I decided to give it a shot instead of spending such a nice day in the gym. I had to stop a couple of times to stretch out my calf but ultimately I totally did it!!

I signed up for the Hot Chocolate 5k, which is the first 5k I did two years ago, so this has been my motivation. I am excited about it because I'm doing this one with my sister, Jessie, and we have never done anything like this together before. Today really helped me get back in the swing of things mentally and I definitely feel like I am on the verge of getting back in shape again. The gym I joined has Zumba so I really want to start incorporating that in because I really love it and miss it. Also, Dany joined my gym and we're going to work out during the week so I look forward to that as well. She always pushes me and I love spending time with her so it always makes working out more fun.

Anyway, wish me luck! I am definitely going to keep up better with the blog this time. I feel that documenting my failures is just as important as documenting my successes. No one is perfect and if another new mom who is having trouble losing the weight stumbles across this blog I don't want them to think that any failures they face are reasons to give up.

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