Thursday, December 27, 2012

A History Lesson- Part 1

Now that I have overcome the inevitable hump I always encounter I think it's safe to shift the focus of these posts toward why I'm doing this in the first place. I think that it is important to remember the point of why one starts goals so that these reasons can remain the focus of why all the work is being done in the first place. With that being said here is a brief (hopefully!) history of how I got to the point where I decided I need to get serious about my health.

I have been conscious of my weight since I was about 8 years old. Sadly, I think most women can relate to this. I was thin until one summer and then I gained a lot of weight and returned to my second grade year overweight. I was teased by the other students. I remember dressing as a bride that year for Halloween and being told no one would ever marry me because I was so fat. I was also serenaded constantly with the Jenny Craig theme song and constantly laughed at. Since then I have always been extremely self-conscious of my weight. By the time I was about to start seventh grade I was heavier than ever. I was also going to be moving from Illinois to Georgia. I was starting a new school, in a new state, and having to do so in a school system where the students had already spent at least one year together since middle schools here are 6-8 grade. Oh, and my parents had recently been divorced. This did not bode well for a good year.

As I look back at middle school all I remember is being laughed at and outcast for the majority of it. I ended up being accepted by a group of students in my middle school that were considered less than desirable by everyone. It is by the grace of God only that I didn't start smoking pot with them or engage in other risky behaviors. In hindsight thought, it ended up being a huge blessing to me that these are people who befriended me. I ended up starting to care less and less what others thought of me. When you have a group of friends that are all constantly gossiped about, ridiculed, and plan hated you start to either get a thick skin or check out mentally. Luckily, my friends all had built a thick skin and taught me to do the same by default.

This isn't to say my weight stopped bothering me. It did. But I started trying to do something about it. I exercised more and tried to eat better but at the time I just didn't want it bad enough. I would try fad diets (juice diets, vegetarian diets, low carb, no carb, etc) and nothing worked. What I realize now is that it was my dedication that was the problem. My lack of desire to care about my health. In college it got better. I had an awesome new group of supportive loving friends in college. We would exercise together and it helped to have a free gym to use. I didn't lose a significant amount of weight or anything but I didn't gain anymore either. My weight had pretty much leveled off. I did try Atkins my senior year but that didn't work well either. I love bread.... :)

To be continued.

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